Criticism is something that everyone faces in life at one time or another. It is an acid cloud that rains on your self respect and hurts your ego. But if you understand some basic things about criticism, your mind won’t go to the default reaction of irritation, frustration and resentment and your condition would become from this :
To this :
UNDERSTANDING THE CRITICISM:
1. Nobody is perfect : First you’ll have to understand that you are not perfect, I am not perfect, nobody in this world is perfect. So if you don’t do one thing well, that shouldn’t matter to your self respect. Nobody can do all the things perfectly in this world. I am sure you can do a dozen things better than most of the people criticising you.
2. Person criticising you is not king of the world : Do you think the person criticising you is the king of the world and owns you ? I don’t think so ! Every person is free to make their opinions but it doesn’t make them right, does it ? So next time a person criticises you, say in your mind “who the hell are you to judge me” and then think about the weaknesses of that person, I am sure he’ll have at least 5, everyone does.
3. Allow no one to judge you : You are more rightful to have a opinion about yourself than every other person in this world because no one knows you better than you. So allow no one to judge you except yourself. If you have really done some mistake that is letting you down, that’s a different case, but don’t let anybody else take this authority. It’s your life, live it the way you want.
DEALING WITH CRITICISM:
1. Bullies : There are some people who just criticise others to feel superior about themselves. They don’t exist just in high schools, you can find them in every phase of life, even in your workplace. The best way to deal with them is ignoring them completely, the more you react to their words, the more they are going to taunt you. So just ignore them completely and once in a while smile at their words like they are some fools talking to nobody. Trust me if you do this from the start, they’ll get insulted and stop doing it.
2. Parents : Sometimes the ones nagging you are your own loved ones. In this case, you’ll have to understand the generation gap between you and your parents and respectfully make them understand the same. If they continue to criticise, just stop reacting to it and never take the words of your parents personally. Even when they don’t know what they are speaking, they want only the best for you at heart.
3. Boss/Manager : This is a critical area where criticism can also be constructive. If you know your boss or superior doesn’t criticise for no reason, then it might be a healthy way to improve yourself. If you know he’s just a jerk, take a picture of him with your phone (with camera sounds off), take a print out of it and go to washroom and piss on it (probably with a friend who’s going through the same thing), it will bring down your frustration level.
4. Spouse/Partner : If the criticism is coming from your spouse or partner, then you cannot ignore and run from them, you’ll have to discuss and deal with them in a constructive manner. I have written a complete article on dealing with this kind of relationship criticism and fights :
If you use the ‘Veto’ system described in above article, you’ll solve 90 % of your problems with ease.
5. Universal Method for handling criticism: If the above mentioned things don’t work, you can go for the last resort method. Just find out the low things and shortcomings of the person criticising you and whenever he starts speaking try to take the subject towards his weak points and do this smiling with a light mood. If you do this in anger, he’ll know it was a reaction to his words and he’ll continue to do this.
These are the golden words for a person frustrated from criticism :
NEVER RESPOND IN A NEGATIVE EXPRESSION TO THE CRITIC, THEY FEED ON IT ! TEACH YOUR MIND TO IGNORE THEM AND SMILE !
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