1. Ron walks into the boss’s cabin and says. “Sir, I’ll be damn straight with you, I know that the economy isn’t great, but I have three companies chasing after me, and I should get a raise.” After few minutes of arguing, boss finally agrees him to give a 5% raise, and Ron happily gets up to leave.
“By the way Ron”, asks the boss while Ron was about to leave, “which 3 companies are chasing after you?”
Ron: “The phone company, electric company, and the water company”
2. A frustrated junior employee dialed the number of his boss by mistake & said :
Hey you.. send a coffee in my room in 2 minutes !……….
Boss shouted angrily : Hey, Do you know whom you’re talking to ?!!
Junior : No ! Who the hell is this ?
Boss: I am the boss of this office.
Junior (without any change in aggressive tone) : …and do you know whom you are talking to?
Junior: Oh Thank God… (and disconnected the phone)….. 😀
3. Boss: “From the day I fired you from the job; you come and shit in front of my house every single day. What’s your problem ?? I will call the police”
John: “Sir, It’s just to remind you that even after your fired me from the job, I didn’t die without food”
4. Ron once calls his boss’s home and asks for his boss
His boss’s wife receives the call and says “your boss died last week”
The next day Ron again calls.
Boss’ wife receives the call and replies the same
Day after that, Ron calls again
This time Boss’s wife gets angry. “Why does u call everyday even after I told u that he died?”
Ron replies “It just feels good to hear again and again that he’s dead”
5. In an Indian government office, A notice was written on board
“Keep silence. Don’t make any noise”
Somebody wrote under it
“Otherwise employees will wake up from their sleep”
6. Q: What would you call a situation of 100 bosses buried up in sand till their necks ??
A: Lack of Sand !!
7. Once upon a time 20 CEOs of 20 Software companies were invited on an airplane and told that they were about to experience first ever completely autopilot driven flight from take off to landing.
Then each one of the CEOs was called in a private room and told that the system software for the Full-autopilot plane was made by his company. 19 out of 20 CEOs left the aircraft, making some kind of excuse.
One CEO remain seated confidently taking sip of champagne, the crew asked “Wow, you do have a lot of faith in your company”.
CEO said calmly : “No, it’s not that ! If the plane’s software is made by my company, it won’t even take off!!”
8. Q: What does a slinky and your boss have in common?
A: It’s a lot of fun to watch both tumble down the stairs.
9. How to catch a Lion ?
Programmer’s way : Try to trap a lion in a normal cage with simple bait like a goat tied inside of it. If it doesn’t come, change the structure of the cage, if it still doesn’t come, change the bait with deer. This way keep making slight moderations in only these 2 things until the lion is trapped.
Team Lead way : Ask the best hunter to catch the lion, meanwhile keep communicating the progress to the circus management ensuring the lion would be caught without making a slight contribution to the actual process.
Manager’s Way : Keep calling meetings and pushing hard the hunters to catch the lion, if they refuse, send a serious mail with so “pain in the ass” complicated vocabulary that hunter’s find best to give more time and efforts in catching the lion than replying to them. Praise the hunters with false appreciation when they catch a lion and when time comes to pay for it, say we wanted a tiger, not a lion so your performance was not that good and we can’t pay you as much as you expect.
L2 Support Team Member’s way : First read a book on “How to catch lions”. Then perform each step written in the book so slowly (with fear that you might make a mistake) that the Lion becomes so bored and frustrated that he surrenders himself and never raises a request again.
HR Manager’s way : Whenever Lion puts a foot ahead of its territory, start sending him PDFs and Links for the jungle policies and consequences of what can happen if he doesn’t follow them. Even if he follows them, keep sending him the policy update mails and Do’s and Don’ts in the jungle so that lion becomes annoyed and thinks of committing suicide a better way than making automated rules in MS outlook to get rid of them.
10. Two women talking in an office :
First Woman : “I can make my boss give me the day off .”
Second woman : “And how would you do that?”
First woman : “Just wait and see.”
She hangs herself upside down from the ceiling. The boss walks in and says, “What are you doing?”
First woman : “I’m a light bulb. I’m a light bulb.”
Boss : ” I think you’ve gone crazy, working so much. You should take the day off.”
First woman starts leaving and the second one follows her to the door.
Boss to second woman : “Where do you think you’re going ?”
Second Woman: “Are you crazy ? There’s no light bulb now, how would I work in the dark ??”
February 8, 2015
November 9, 2014
November 1, 2014
April 16, 2014
April 16, 2014
March 16, 2014